Saturday, October 20, 2012


Three months ago today, we said goodbye to our boy Eli.

People ask me nearly every day - "Are you okay?"

No. I'm not okay.

I'm pretty far from okay.

Some days, enjoyable things happen. I keep trying to learn new things, as is my way. I keep trying to experience new things. I try and practice my skills and stay fit. I try and get a decent night's sleep. I try and turn up to work, and I try to make it all matter.

If my heart wasn't so broken, I think I'd probably be having a great time of things.

I wish I was someone who could find enough joy in my otherwise charmed life to make a bridge over this chasm, somehow walk to the other side.

Don't ask me if I'm okay. This isn't the answer you're looking for.